Blogging is an interesting thing to me. It seems like something that should be so easy for me. I read blogs all the time, I’ve seen the good, the bad, the “wow, this is awesome.” the “wow, why am I reading this?” I’ve always loved writing, and anyone who has ever met me knows that I have plenty to say. But it seems like I’m always coming to this page, over and over again, brainstorming and considering, but never actually having the guts to textualize what I’m thinking and posting it on here. I’ll go through my week thinking, “OH MY GOODNESS, what a brilliant thought! (hah) I should write this on my blog that I never post on that no one ever reads because it’s pretty much a secret that I haven’t told anyone about.” And I’ll have the time to do it, I always do. But there’s always something there, keeping me from it.
Something has been on my mind a lot lately. It’s been riddled through my last year quite abundantly. In these past weeks it’s been a thing that fades out, but then reappears in full force, hitting me in the face saying, “You need to confront this.” Now that I have your attention I’m sure you’re wondering the the heck I’m talking about, what’s been rattling my bones, keeping me from writing, caging my spirit. It’s fear.
Fear is also an interesting thing. We all have it, but we don’t all talk about it. Why is that? Is it because some of the things we are most afraid of seem the most ridiculous and irrational? God knows I have some irrational fears. For example, I’m afraid someone is going to see this blog and read all my secrets about how I’m afraid of everything. Or that somewhere in this Starbucks there is a person who can read minds and now knows that I’m updating my blog and then he or she ganders around the internet and finds my blog and reads it and knows all my secrets! What is that? But seriously? What is that? It’s embarrassing, so outrageously unnecessary, and frankly, it stresses me out. And I’m not sure what your irrationally ridiculous fears are, they could range from telling your summer camp crush who you will never see again that you think they’re great, or wanting to learn how to play a certain instrument but never starting because you’re too afraid of the “sucking at playing this instrument stage,” and everything in between or above and beyond. Whatever it is, we weren’t meant to live like this. We are meant to live and learn and contribute part of yourself into this giant world.
Before this blog post gets way too long, I’ll mention this. One of my biggest fears is living an average life. Waking up and wasting my days, as if Jesus didn’t pay a price for them. Without a mindset that I’m literally exchanging a day of my life for whatever activities I chose to partake in for that given 24 hours. It’s a big deal folks. And if we’re sitting here scared to death of two-thirds of the things we would love to be, we’re just not doing ourselves justice.
I watched this video today put out by Soulpancake, this particular series is called Metaphysical Milkshake, it shows Rainn Wilson interviewing various Artists and Celebrities and asking them about their souls and other deep stuff. It’s quite fantastic. I’ve spent hours watching almost everything Soulpancake has to offer, but this one really got me. In this video, which you can and should watch here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AJ5e_J9THc – J (feel free to take a break and watch- it’s truly beautiful) Josh talks about this resistance that we all have, and having a conversation with it. It’s a funny thing, the resistance we have to things that we know are good for us. And we know it too. We know the resistance is there, and so often we can’t look it (ourselves) in the eye and say “Let me do this, it’s good for me, GET OUTTA HERE.” How beautiful would it be if we did that? Can we help each other do that?
Just a thought.
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